Subscribe2010 Conversion Thoughts
I often refer to myself as a convert. After all, I used to be an atheist, and now I am Catholic. That is a fairly significant change. Yet the word convert almost implies that the conversion is finished. Rather than saying I am a convert, it would probably be more accurate to say that I am converting. I am in the midst of conversion. It is something that I will never finish.
The biggest evidence that I recognize of my conversion is a growing distaste for sin. My life today hardly resembles the life that I led ten years ago. I shudder at some of the past decisions I have made. I did so much for myself and so little for others. Today I make most decisions with the eyes of faith. I know that God wants me to become holy, and to bring others along with me.
And yet I still struggle. I struggle less with the grave sins and more with the day-to-day decisions with which I am faced, but I struggle nonetheless. Some days are easy. Some days are very difficult. When I look at life under the microscope, it can seem like I am not succeeding. But when I step back and compare myself now with the person I was last year, and a year before that – I see that I have made some great progress.
In my quest for holiness I have to be creative. I have to continue to seek God’s mercy and grace, and I have to do creative things to remind myself to use that grace. What works for me might not work for you because the things that tempt me are likely not the same things that tempt you. What is important, is that I keep getting up each time I fall, and I keep looking for new ways to grow in holiness. So I am converting, but I have not converted. I am dying to self, but I have not yet died to self.
An Emotional Conversion
Below is an excerpt from a conversion story that I recently read.
My journey has not been so much an exercise of will or intellect as an experience of Divine Love. My Lord pursued me, pulled me out of sin and despair, and then allowed me to suffer – so I would become emptied and able to be filled with Him. Then He pulled me, irresistibly, into His Church where He had been waiting to welcome me all along.
The entire beautifully written and emotional story can be read at mycatholicconversion.com.
Grappling with Grace
Recently, I’ve begun seeing an elderly Jesuit priest for spiritual direction. (I highly recommend the practice of spiritual direction by the way, and in my experience eccentric old Jesuits are the best!) We have started off by talking about grace. This has been yet another humbling experience in my life because I have once again discovered that my knowledge only scratches the surface.
We spent almost a half an hour just talking about what grace is and where it comes from. Since then, we’ve spent a lot more time talking about how we get it, if and how we can lose it, how we can get it back, and what we can do with it. I hope that this post can be a nice summary about grace for those of you who are as ignorant about it as me.
So what is grace? Simply put, it’s God’s divine life within us. It’s really that simple. But it’s also very deep. It is God’s divine life within us. How amazing is it to sit back and reflect on that? Not only do we have human life — with all of its strengths and weaknesses — but we also have divine, supernatural life within us. Well okay, it may be a little more complicated than that.
Where does this grace — this divine life — come from? Obviously, it comes from God, but how and when do we get it? We get grace in three ways: through the Sacraments, through prayer, and through good works (doing God’s will). So we first receive grace through baptism. We continue to receive grace through prayer, the Sacraments, and by aligning our will with the will of God.
Can we lose this grace? Oh, yes. When we knowingly and willingly do things that are gravely sinful (think Commandments), we can lose the grace of God within us. Does that mean that all hope is lost? Of course not! The grace of God can be restored within us through the Sacrament of Reconciliation! God is ever-merciful. He will always restore his grace within us if we come before him with contrite hearts, confessing all of our wrongdoing.
Okay, so now we’ve talked about all the formalities — granted, at a very high level. But what is so special about this grace? Well, maybe you need to re-read what grace is — it’s God’s divine life within us! Isn’t that pretty special? Yes, but what can grace do for us? Grace can help us gain that patience that we’ve always wanted. Grace can give us courage to do something that we’ve always feared. Grace can cure alcoholism. Grace can keep us from sin.
Make no mistake, all of us who have been baptised and are not in a state of mortal sin, have a reservoir of this grace within us. God is just pleading with us all to use it! Why do we keep repeating the same bad behaviors? Why do we keep confessing the same sins? Why do we keep picking up that pack of cigarettes, that bottle, that bag? We keep getting the same results because we keep doing the same things! We keep trying to solve our own problems. At best, the most we will do is turn to friends, family, or medical professionals. They can help some people, for some things. But for the things in our life that we never seem to be able to handle, the supernatural is our only true remedy. If we consciously look to use the divine life within us, grace, for the obstacles that we face, we cannot fail. If our motives are pure — if we seek only to do the will of God — he will never deny us his grace.
We are called to live very holy lives, and most of us fail miserably. If we use the grace that is already within us, we will slowly become more like God himself. We can then act as Christ on earth — which is what he expects. If we start using his grace to overcome the small challenges in our lives, we will quickly see how successful this new way of life can be. This confidence and experience should then inspire us to use God’s grace to seek perfection. We will never attain it, and we will always fall — but we can try. When we confess our sins, we must truly be sorry, but God doesn’t ask us to promise him that we won’t do those things again. How merciful and just is that? But by his grace, we will learn to lead lives that inspire others to seek God. This kingdom was meant to be shared. By his grace it shall be.
Two Steps Forward
The last couple of weeks have been very good for me. When I stumble in life, I find that one of the major contributors is a failure to maintain regular prayer habits. Recently, I made a commitment to stick with a consistent, achievable prayer schedule — whether I feel like it or not.
I have been (at minimum) praying the Morning and Evening prayers from the Liturgy of the Hours. Most of the time I also include the Office of Readings and the Night Prayer. Sometimes it gets a little bit dry, or perhaps I’ll get distracted and lose focus, but I pray anyhow. I find that this regular schedule builds spiritual discipline, and forces me to maintain a regular focus on our most glorious God.
Even though I’ve been out of town for the past week, working long hours, and I’ve certainly had a lot of distractions that I wouldn’t normally have at home, I have managed to maintain this schedule. I feel like my relationship with God is continuing to grow each day. I’ve definitely taken two steps forward. Now I just need to be on the lookout for that temptation that might cause me to take one step back. With a routine and meaningful prayer life, I should be able to get in a few more forward steps before that happens.
What About Conversion?
So this site is called Conversion for Life — where’s the conversion? For starters, if you’re interested in what it takes to convert to the Catholic faith, simply click on “Joining the Church” at the top-right of this page.
But this site is about more than just the technicalities of an RCIA program — as important as they may be. To view articles specifically related to conversion, click on the drop-down box in the right-hand column of the page and select “Conversion.”
Early on, I promised to post my own conversion story. To be totally honest, I haven’t even started it yet. I guess what’s keeping me from starting, is that I don’t feel like I’ve totally converted yet. I feel like each day brings me closer to Christ. Each day I enter deeper into the Catholic Church. And quite frankly, that’s exactly the point of Conversion for Life. Conversion never stops.
Still, I pledge to work on a conversion story and post it soon. In the mean time, if you’d like to share your thoughts about conversion — Catholic conversion — with the world, just mention it in the comments of this article. I’d love to post the perspectives of other people.
Peace & God bless!
Spiritual Direction
If you’ve ever wondered what the heck you’re doing, where you’re going, and how you should get there — spiritually speaking — then maybe you could use some spiritual direction. If you’ve never heard of spiritual direction, then let me give you a brief overview of what it is, and why you might consider it.
A spiritual director is someone that you trust, generally a member of the clergy, with whom you meet regularly to help you grow closer to God. We Catholics should confess our sins to a priest regularly, but spiritual direction is much more than that.
There is a lot of information (and misinformation) about our faith, which is readily available to all of us in this age of information. A spiritual director can help you to understand what information is in line with Church teaching.
The spiritual director should act as your advocate, helping you to discern the Will of God in your life, and helping you grow closer to God through a form of prayer that works well for you. The many charisms of our faith offer us many options, which can be very overwhelming. A good spiritual director will work with you to determine which spiritual exercises, and with what frequency, you should be doing to increase your Catholic fitness and deepen your conversion.
Do you have a difficult time trying to think of things to give up for Lent? Your spiritual director can help guide you and offer you exercises that will help you to overcome some of your character flaws — helping you to better live out your Catholic faith.
Not all priests are available for spiritual direction. Some are just too busy with their day-to-day ministry. Another option is to find a Catholic Brother or Sister at a local monastery. Try to find someone who is likely to be in your area for the next several years. I’m in the process of finding a new spiritual director right now as I’m losing my current one to an inter-diocese move. It’s a bummer!
Considering the religious life? Thinking about joining a third order or some sort of Catholic lay association? If you feel as though you’re ready to take the next step in your faith, but aren’t sure which way to step, spiritual direction is a great way to go.
The Soul Is Not Just Some Metaphysical Idea
The following is the conversion story of Jeff Miller. It was copied, with Jeff’s permission, from it’s location here. Jeff is the author of The Curt Jester blog.
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There is a saying that if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans. The converse is also true. If God wants to make you laugh, he will tell you his plans for you. On April 4, 1999, at the Easter Vigil, I was received into the Catholic Church. Just a couple of years before that, if a prophet had told me that I would rejoice on entering the Church or that tears would stream down my cheeks as I went to my first confession, I would have told him that he was gravely mistaken.
Holy Week 2008
I’ve got a creative spiritual director. Before this past Holy Week, he told me that I would be wearing a cross around my neck. No problem, I thought. I wear a small crucifix most of the time anyhow. Well, he had a little something more elaborate in mind. The cross he selected for me was eight inches tall, four inches wide, and weighed in at about eight ounces!
My immediate reaction was one of shock and fear. I mean, did he seriously want me to wear this huge Catholic bling in public?
Conversion
For me, the word conversion has developed a deeper meaning over the years. When I first felt called to become Catholic, I considered that to be the beginning of my conversion. When I joined RCIA, I considered that to be the actual work of my conversion. Finally, when I was baptized and confirmed, I considered myself to actually be a convert – my conversion was complete.
It was as though conversion was some sort of an accomplishment. Completion of RCIA was, for me, too much like a graduation ceremony.
In the years following my formal entrance into Holy Mother Church, I began to read biographies of several saints. I started to notice a common thread in the lives of many of them. While some, like St. Francis of Assisi or St. Ignatius of Loyola, did have powerful conversion experiences that changed their lives, these experiences were just the beginning of a lifelong conversion process.
Introduction & Mission
For many, faith is something into which one is born. For others, it is comes very quickly. But for some, those who are willing to persevere, conversion comes slowly. The mission of this site is to provide information, resources, and encouragement to those who are seeking Truth. The search for Christ is a worthy one, an endeavor that never really ends, but evolves as your relationship with God deepens.
