Well, it’s Holy Saturday — the last day of Lent.  I thought that I would try to summarize this year’s Lenten experience.

I have a tendency to expect too much from Lent.  It always comes during such a difficult season for me.  Where I live, we have normally endured five or six months of gray skies and rain by this time of year.  It’s very easy to become a little depressed and self absorbed.  I always look forward to Lent though because it brings me out of that winter funk and manges to lift my spirits.  Unfortunately, I often set goals that I’m not spiritually disciplined enough to keep.  While Lent always helps me grow closer to God to some degree, it usually feels like I’m returning to God rather than moving up to another level on the spiritual ladder — which is my ultimate goal.

For me to grow closer to God, I need to better embrace prayer, fasting, and almsgiving.  This Lent, I made a committment to get back on track spiritually by sacrificing computer time in favor of prayer.  I resolved to limit my home computer time to ten minutes per day, while including the Rosary each day with the time that I saved.  In addition, I committed to reducing my espresso stand trips to once per week, while donating the saved money to a charity.

Well, I pretty much failed miserably.  The first week or two went fairly well, but then I started to focus my thoughts on some job-related stress.  I had recently applied for a new position with my existing employer, and I just spent far too much time worrying about what would happen if I didn’t get that position.  For some reason, I don’t have the ability to focus on myself and on God simultaneously.  This is probably the case for most of us.  Gradually — okay, rapidly — I abandoned my Lenten objectives.  There isn’t one of them that I faithfully kept.  As a result, I began to slip into some old sinful behavior.

Fortunately, I had a good confession a couple of weeks ago.  I was able to rally and have a very strong Holy Week.  I didn’t return to my original resolutions, but I did manage to include about 45 minutes of prayer each day.  As a result, I feel renewed — ready to greet our Risen Savior.

This past 40 days, I certainly didn’t meet my expectations — not by a long shot.  It looks like I have a lot of work to do in order to gain the spiritual discipline that I truly desire.  Not all is lost, however.  While I did fall short of my goals, I did manage to return to Christ — thanks be to God!  I feel renewed and ready to take on the world.  Oh, and on another positive note, I start my new position in about a week.  God is so good.