I have no doubts about God’s existence or His goodness, mercy, and power.  I have learned to truly believe that He loves me and wants the best for me.  And I should have no doubts that His plans for me are vastly (and divinely) superior to my own.  But…for some reason…I still want to do things my way.

During nearly every phase of my life, I have struggled to wrangle control from God.  I have tried to ignore His call and do things my way because, after all, I know what’s best for me.  Honestly, it’s not always that much of a struggle.  I actually find it very easy to turn my back on God.  Each time, I realize my mistake, feel a sense of true contrition, and return to Him through the Sacraments.  In His infinite love and mercy, He always lifts me back up — making my faith stronger than ever before.

I really wish that it didn’t have to be this way.  My cycle of loving God, ignoring God, and loving God, is really quite exhausting.  Surely I should know by now that doing it God’s way is the right way.  Abandoning my own selfish motives and desires and offering myself to Him in complete submission always works.

Still, I find myself sitting here, with so many gifts for which I should be grateful, and yet I worry.  I worry about decisions that are out of my control, and focus on the very slight chance that things won’t work out exactly as orchestrated in my mind.  All of this worrying just sucks the energy right out of me, and distracts me from giving to the people that I care about most.

Dear Lord, please deliver me from this fear, which is nothing more than a lack of faith in your goodness.  Help me to be grateful for all that I have, and please help me to accept my life exactly as it comes to me each day…in accordance with your perfect plan.  Amen.