I often refer to myself as a convert. After all, I used to be an atheist, and now I am Catholic. That is a fairly significant change. Yet the word convert almost implies that the conversion is finished. Rather than saying I am a convert, it would probably be more accurate to say that I am converting. I am in the midst of conversion. It is something that I will never finish.

The biggest evidence that I recognize of my conversion is a growing distaste for sin. My life today hardly resembles the life that I led ten years ago. I shudder at some of the past decisions I have made. I did so much for myself and so little for others. Today I make most decisions with the eyes of faith. I know that God wants me to become holy, and to bring others along with me.

And yet I still struggle. I struggle less with the grave sins and more with the day-to-day decisions with which I am faced, but I struggle nonetheless. Some days are easy. Some days are very difficult. When I look at life under the microscope, it can seem like I am not succeeding. But when I step back and compare myself now with the person I was last year, and a year before that – I see that I have made some great progress.

In my quest for holiness I have to be creative. I have to continue to seek God’s mercy and grace, and I have to do creative things to remind myself to use that grace. What works for me might not work for you because the things that tempt me are likely not the same things that tempt you. What is important, is that I keep getting up each time I fall, and I keep looking for new ways to grow in holiness. So I am converting, but I have not converted. I am dying to self, but I have not yet died to self.