2010 Conversion Thoughts
I often refer to myself as a convert. After all, I used to be an atheist, and now I am Catholic. That is a fairly significant change. Yet the word convert almost implies that the conversion is finished. Rather than saying I am a convert, it would probably be more accurate to say that I am converting. I am in the midst of conversion. It is something that I will never finish.
The biggest evidence that I recognize of my conversion is a growing distaste for sin. My life today hardly resembles the life that I led ten years ago. I shudder at some of the past decisions I have made. I did so much for myself and so little for others. Today I make most decisions with the eyes of faith. I know that God wants me to become holy, and to bring others along with me.
And yet I still struggle. I struggle less with the grave sins and more with the day-to-day decisions with which I am faced, but I struggle nonetheless. Some days are easy. Some days are very difficult. When I look at life under the microscope, it can seem like I am not succeeding. But when I step back and compare myself now with the person I was last year, and a year before that – I see that I have made some great progress.
In my quest for holiness I have to be creative. I have to continue to seek God’s mercy and grace, and I have to do creative things to remind myself to use that grace. What works for me might not work for you because the things that tempt me are likely not the same things that tempt you. What is important, is that I keep getting up each time I fall, and I keep looking for new ways to grow in holiness. So I am converting, but I have not converted. I am dying to self, but I have not yet died to self.
Loading ...
He is Coming
It is easy to lose sight of the reason for this season. We are in the middle of Advent right now, but it sure seems to be forgotten. Since Thanksgiving, and even since Halloween in some cases, many of us have been hustling and bustling – busily running to and fro – buying gifts, baking cookies, and adorning our homes with shiny lights and glittery ornaments. Some wait in line for hours, to be one of the first to rush through the doors on Black Friday, hoping to get that prized possession for their loved one.
Much time during the Christmas season should certainly be spent focusing on charity. With God giving us such a precious gift – His only son – we would all do well to imitate His generosity by giving to those around us. But shouldn’t we save all of that for the Christmas season? While charity is the greatest of the theological virtues, and should be practiced abundantly regardless of season, I think many of us confuse charity with frivolous shopping.
Besides, this is Advent, a season for joyful preparation. Advent is all about the coming of Our Lord. While it is a penitential season – we can do much to prepare ourselves for this great gift – it is also a season for joy.
Liturgically, the four-week season of Advent is divided into two halves. The first two weeks are focused on the Parousia – the second coming of Christ. The readings during Mass guide us to meditate on the last things (eschatology) – death, judgment, heaven, and hell – occurring during the end times.
The final two weeks of Advent are centered around the first coming of Christ – the Incarnation. The readings at Mass help us to direct our attention toward the mystery of God becoming man. We would do well to seize this opportunity to reflect on the fact that the Incarnation was done for us, to repair the damage done to humanity by original sin. We can also take the time during Advent to engage in penance that is intended to help us repair the damage that we have done because of our own sin.
Christmas is a wonderful season, but we must not be so eager for the Nativity of Our Lord that we completely overlook the mystery of the Incarnation – the Word becoming Flesh. Let us spend this season in joyful preparation for His coming. There is plenty of time later for cookies and carols.
Life Immortal
Life is an amazing thing. The mortal life that we share with the animals and plants around us constantly reminds us of our holy creator. The perfect balance so often found in the interconnection between many forms of life is simply divine. The tiniest disruption can wreak havoc among any number of species. This mortal life comes and goes for each living thing, with definite beginning and definite end.
Even more amazing than this mortal life, is the immortal life given to us by God. This immortal life also has a definite beginning, at conception, when our souls are created along with our bodies. But our immortal lives have no end.
We can clearly comprehend mortal life. We can see our bodies, we can feel with them, we can experience with them. We watch new life come into the world, and we also see life leave the world. The immortal life is an entirely different matter, but very important to understand. Our souls give life to our bodies. At death, our bodies and souls become separated, and all that is left is our souls. It is the state of our souls which will determine our state in the afterlife. This is not only important, it is eternal. So what about these souls? What do they do for us?
Our souls possess the spiritual powers of intellect and will. Intellect is our ability to think and understand, while our wills gives us the power to choose. We make decisions with our wills, and we love with our wills. We do this based upon what we know with our intellect. The intellect and the will work closely together. For the more we know a person, the more we are able to love them. The more that we come to know God, the more that we can love Him.
Of course as Christians, we know that the separation of our bodies and souls is only temporary. At some time unknown to us all when the world comes to an end, our bodies and souls will be reunited. Our bodies are necessary so that we can experience either pleasure or pain, as determined by the choices that we have made with our wills.
If we choose hell – and that’s exactly what hell is, a choice – we will experience a terrible sense of loss. We will come to fully understand the ramifications of the choices we have made – of the many times that we had the opportunity to repent, but failed – and we will have no further opportunity to choose. We will be eternally separated from God.
If we choose heaven, we will experience the inexplicable joy of being reunited with our Father. We can rejoice that we chose to use God’s grace to help us to do His will – sacrificing and avoiding temporary worldly pleasures – for the love and for the greater glory of God.
Though our lives on Earth may seem long to us, when measured alongside eternity they are here and gone in the blink of an eye. The choices that we make everyday can have enormous consequences. Only by the grace of God do we have a chance to get it right.
Why I Blog
It occurred to me that by writing about my faith, some may get the impression that I think of myself as some sort of authority – as though I might be closer to perfection than the rest of you. Let me make it completely clear that I am nowhere near perfection in any area of my life. I am not writing because I want to share with you my mastery over life with all of its temptations and struggles.
Without a doubt, I am more faith filled and virtuous now than I was last year, five years ago, and ten years before that. If I maintain my efforts, I am certain that I will continue to grow in virtue as I seek to glorify God with all of my actions.
Though I still slip, committing sins that I thought I had “outgrown,” life is much better today than ever before. The credit for my spiritual progress goes of course to God, but also to the many authors, both of books and web content, who have helped to shape my faith. I spent many years in the spiritual desert, hungry and thirsting for knowledge. I am grateful for the spiritual food that I received via the written word.
It is with this in mind – the hope that my words may help another in their pursuit of the spiritual life – that I write. With all humility I tell you that I seek only to glorify God with my words. Our strength lies completely in his grace. Here in this little place in cyber space, I write little snippets of my experience, with the hope that some small part of my conversion will be food for your journey. If any part of my life touches yours, kindly say a little prayer for me. I am certainly not perfect, and can use all the prayers I can get.
Man vs. Tree
We can learn much from a tree that loses its leaves, only to grow new ones in the spring. These trees contain many sturdy roots, and large powerful branches. This entire system of roots, trunk, and branches provides almost everything necessary for the infantile spring growth. As the leaves grow and mature, they rely on light to perform necessary work for the rest of the tree. They do this day in and day out, rain or shine.
These leaves will eventually begin to change color, showing signs of aging. Throughout this aging process, the leaves will transition through an infinite number of colors. During this period of their lives, they seem to do only one thing – one very important thing – glorify the very tree that has given them life.
We would all do well to live our lives so completely in service of our creator, relying entirely on His light, in unity with all those around us, living only to serve and glorify Him.
Though this tree is a beautiful symbol and we can relate to it in many ways by looking at it deeply, there are obviously far more differences between the life of a tree and the life of man. The leaves on a tree, while quite beautiful, are not particularly unique. Each looks very much the same and each is called to perform essentially the same task, for approximately the same length of time. Once the task of a leaf is complete, its life is also complete. It has no chance of rising to new life.
All life is precious, but not equal. Though we will pass from this life one by one, like the autumn leaves, we must be thankful that we can look forward to life beyond this one.
Man vs. Wild
We develop some very close bonds with the animals in our lives. Our pets can help us combat lonliness, force us to remain active, and provide us with examples of unconditional love. They can also serve to help us deal with dying. All of this is fine, but problems arise when we value the life of an animal the same as a that of a human.
As Catholics, we must value and work to protect all human life, from natural conception to natural death. Anything that threatens human life, especially atrocities such as abortion and euthanasia, must be eradicated. But animals are not humans. Pets – no matter how much we love them – are not made in the image and likeness of God. The Lord has given us dominion over the animals of the earth, and we must treat them with mercy – the same mercy that Christ shows us. For this reason, when an animal is suffering, we can show it mercy by removing its pain through euthanasia when no other alternatives exist.
Other humans – family members – are not within our dominion. We all belong to God, and He will call each of us to Him when He is ready. We should be very grateful for the times that we get to share with our pets, and we should welcome the emotional bonds that are formed between animal and man. But we should never forget that we humans are much more than just sophisticated animals. We have souls – souls which must not be compromised by a lack of respect for human life.
A Senator’s Response
Below is a response from my senator, Jeff Merkley, regarding my request that any health care legislation exclude federal funding for abortion. It’s obviously a form letter and a very political response, and I’m not surprised in the least.
Thank you for contacting me to share your concerns about including comprehensive reproductive health services in health care reform. While we may disagree about this issue, I acknowledge that your views are powerful and deeply felt, and please know that I respect your opinion.
As you may know, I believe access to a full scope of health services, including comprehensive reproductive health care, should be a component of every woman’s basic health care coverage. Reproductive health is a key determinant in a woman’s overall health, involving health concerns such as fertility, pregnancy care, and preventing and addressing unintended pregnancies. Currently, nearly 90 percent of employee-based insurance policies cover reproductive services. It is appropriate to allow this coverage to continue going forwards. I believe reproductive choices should be made between a woman and her doctor, not by government. Therefore, I supported the inclusion of reproductive health services in the health care reform bill, The Affordable Health Choices Act, which was recently approved by the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee (HELP), of which I am a member.
Thank you, again, for sharing your thoughts with me. Although I know that not everyone will always agree with me, Oregonians can always expect me to listen to their concerns and to be honest and straightforward with my answers. I hope you will continue to keep me informed about the issues that matter most to you.
All my best,
Jeff Merkley
United States Senate
I thought health care reform was about eliminating all of the suffering about which we hear so much hyperbole. Though my kids can be difficult at times, I’ve never thought of those difficult times as moments of suffering. Somebody should tell these people that the way to avoid “unintended pregnancies” is to avoid unintended sex. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. We already have government funding of abortion through the public support of organizations such as Planned Parenthood. I only pray that this doesn’t get worse before it gets better.
Divinely Humble
During the Mass, the priest will pray (often inaudibly) the following words over the wine and water to be consecrated, “By the mystery of this water and wine, may we come to share in the divinity of Christ, who humbled Himself to share in our humanity.”
This is one of the many beautiful parts of the liturgy that we often gloss right over without a second thought. Surely we can do more than simply gloss over words like, “may we come to share in the divinity of Christ.” What is this divinity of Christ? And what does he mean, we get to share in it?
It’s grace! The same grace that we received in Baptism, we receive through the Eucharist. This grace is God’s divinity – His divine life – within us. When we receive the body and blood of Christ, we receive more of this grace – more divinity. Who could ask for more?
What can we do with this divinity – this grace? We can do God’s will – we can imitate Jesus more perfectly. Grace isn’t going to help us achieve worldly glory, but it will help us to unite our own wills with the will of God. Through grace, we can humble ourselves as Christ humbled Himself. We can learn to recognize our own weakness and the infinite strength found in Christ.
What about life without grace – do we really need it? Read the Old Testament – the history of a people who lacked God’s grace. Their own human nature, like ours, was never enough for them to live consistently righteous lives.
On a personal note, the grace of God has helped me overcome addictive and sinful behaviors that I struggled with all my life. Though my own humanity was too weak to break free from these chains, the grace of God has been powerful enough to overcome any obstacle.
God is all powerful, and yet He “humbled Himself to share in our humanity.” He showed us that true strength is found in humility. How great is God, who humbled Himself only to pour out His blood for all of us, so that He could offer His divinity to us through this same blood.
An Emotional Conversion
Below is an excerpt from a conversion story that I recently read.
My journey has not been so much an exercise of will or intellect as an experience of Divine Love. My Lord pursued me, pulled me out of sin and despair, and then allowed me to suffer – so I would become emptied and able to be filled with Him. Then He pulled me, irresistibly, into His Church where He had been waiting to welcome me all along.
The entire beautifully written and emotional story can be read at mycatholicconversion.com.
Killing the TV
There are times when I dream of watching my television swing to and fro, as seen in this wonderful picture at left. The frequency of this disenchantment with television seems to be on the rise. I have cancelled my television service in the past, and I just may do it again — much to the dismay of my children.
Generally speaking, I don’t have much time for television. Ironically, it is during the busy times of my life that I really enjoy having a fairly substantial television package. When my schedule is very hectic, it’s nice to have a lot of choices during the one or two hours per week that I can afford the luxury of a little couch time.
Lately however, I have had a little more time than usual to watch television. I always seem to make time for it this time of year because I am such a huge football fan. It’s times like these — when I’ve been watching a fair amount of television — that I seriously think about chucking it out the window. This might sound a little extreme, but I truly have reached my limit of smut intake.
I intentionally avoid prime time television. I don’t watch sitcoms because I don’t find crude humor as funny as I did when I was 13. I don’t watch crime dramas because there is plenty of violence already in the news. I don’t watch medical or hospital dramas because I don’t want to see doctors and nurses getting frisky in the broom closet. And I don’t watch reality television because for me television is all about avoiding reality. Basically, I watch educational television, a little news, and sports.
Even though I am fairly diligent in my attempts to monitor the purity of the content that I watch, I still feel inundated with horrible commercials. There is just no avoiding them. Television networks insist on advertising the next episode of their morally bankrupt series during football games. The pharmaceutical companies need to show me some guy who needs to take a pill so that he can have lots of fun with his girlfriend — and the only thing that anyone is worried about is that his “condition” may last for more than four hours.
The worst offense, which I have just recently noticed, is so surreal that I nearly can’t believe it. Last night, while watching the more “conservative” news channel, I had to watch a commercial (multiple times) about a service that helps you find someone with whom to cheat on your significant other. I’m not going to dignify the service’s name by typing it, but if you’ve seen it you surely know to what I am referring.
I have decided that this is probably all that I can take. I don’t want to completely unplug from reality and avoid the world entirely, but this filth is doing nothing positive for me. While I would certainly miss things like EWTN, I can watch online. I can catch up on the news online, and I can listen to sports via the Internet or traditional radio. I do believe that I’ll unplug all my satellite paraphenalia, and reserve my television for viewing movies — movies that I have pre-screened via sites such as the USCCB movie review site.
Life is difficult enough for a 30-something man. Temptations abound. Television is just one source, but it’s the one most quickly elimintated. In this economy, surely there are better things on which I can spend my money. I think it’s time to find out.
The Candle
A candle can serve a number of purposes. It can provide primitive light, a pleasant scent, or warm ambiance. But from a spiritual perspective, the candle can be a beautiful symbol of the way that we Christians are called to live our lives. One can look at the symbolism of a candle in many ways. For instance, some of us may feel like we are candles burning from both ends! But what about the votive candles that are often found in our parishes? What do they symbolize?
When we offer a prayer or petition to God before a lit candle, it stands as a reminder that our prayers continue even after we leave the church. The glorious symbolism of a candle calls us to remember the light of Christ. The light from a candle is steady, and while the flame might waver slightly in a strong breeze, it immediately returns to the task at hand. The candle completely offers itself in a sacrificial way, from the inside out. It lives to serve just one purpose, to consistently shed light for others until its time comes to be extinguished.
As my conversion continues and I grow in the spiritual life, I seek to find these hidden reminders in the beauty of God’s creation. I pray that one day, the light of Christ will shine through me in peaceful and consistent manner, just like the flame from a candle.
Pray for this Man
This is one very sick man, a completely unrepentant abortion doctor.
(4.50 out of 5)
